The Important Things

I used to be "that woman". The one with the spotless house.

When we were first married, both my husband and I worked. As a new nurse, I had no choice of hours and was on a 3pm-11pm shift for several years. I worked every other week end. My husband was a manager in corporate America and worked well more than 40 hours a week, and often on Saturdays. We were fortunate in that he worked within a short drive of our home so was able to come home for lunch several days a week. For the first couple years the only full days we had off together were two Sundays a month and the occasional Saturday. I had plenty of time to myself to do what little cooking and cleaning were needed. Our first house was a little over 1,000SF. It was easy to keep clean. We tended to eat out except for the the days he was able to come home for lunch. I recall visiting my father's office several months after I was married. My father's secretary asked me, "How's married life?" I had to laugh and tell her I thought it was okay but wasn't really sure. I kept finding dirty laundry and dishes on occasion so figured there was a husband around somewhere but didn't often see him!

Please note, I keep using the term house and not home. It was a charming house built in 1955 and we both had lived on our own before marrying so had enough accumulated belongings to furnish it comfortably if not fashionably. His career had taken him away from the community that had been our families' home. I had worked initially in the city where I went to nursing school but changed to another hospital in the same community where he was working so initially we knew very few people. The house was easy to keep spotless because for the most part, there was seldom anyone there!

Flash forward 30 some odd years and it is a very different story. I have been a stay at home wife/mother in a 2,400SF home that was built in 1900, since 1989. Now everyone knows that SAHMs have all the time in the world on their hands. (myth #1) My husband no longer works for corporate America. We own a small service related business that he is able to operate from an office in our home. And everyone knows when you are self employed, you have all the time in the world! (myth #2).

I no longer live in a spotless house. I do live in a reasonably clean, comfortable home where meals are cooked at least once a day and often two or three times a day and the laundry pile never gets too high. There is likely to be a bit of dust in the corners and a dust bunny or three under the furniture.

Throughout the years there have been numerous situations that have taken my time away from home. Family and friends with health needs. Schools that need volunteer moms. Scout camps that need a summer receptionist. Elderly friends who needed assistance sorting through years of accumulation to move to smaller quarters. Every time I think I am almost on top of it all and have every nook and cranny in ship shape, something comes along to detour me. I have had to decide what are the important things.

People matter more than things to me. Being a volunteer weekly in our son's school was more important than being home to clean. Spending a summer (or three) as the receptionist as the Scout camp where our son wanted to work was more important than a spotless house. In both instances, it enabled me to know who our son's friends were and what they were doing. It paid off in spades. Today, those now young adults still take time to stop by our house just to visit with me over lunch. Not only was I able at the time to make sure our son was associating with others who shared values similar to ours, I now have the joy of sharing in the future hopes and dreams of a number of those young people.

Sitting with a friend as they watch over a sick loved one in the hospital or helping elderly friends sort and pack through a lifetime of memories to move to smaller quarters takes time away from our home. The laundry stays caught up and meals are cooked but sometimes that is about all that gets done! I have decided that these things matter more than a spotless house.

If I ever have doubts that I am making the right choices those doubts vanish when someone says, "I love coming to your house! It always feels like home."